I am 21 years old and have yet to be in a serious relationship or have made a relationship “official”. Let me explain, my whole life I was raised to the idea that in order to be in a relationship – to even call it a relationship, is when the guy or girl -(no gender roles) defines the relationship and they agree they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. So the point is yes I’ve gone on many of dates, yes I’ve been with the same guy, been loyal to, gone on plenty of dates, did all the “couple stuff”, yet every time I bring up the topic of -“Where we stand?”, “What are we?”, everything seems to fall apart. Let me walk you through my most proud dating moments where I thought things where getting somewhere…
First there’s Jason, met him on a dating app called OKCupid. upon first impressions of his profile it clearly stated he was looking to settle and have a serious relationship, which i was looking for as well. We chatted, exchanged numbers, and seemed to hit it off quite well for a few days. So when we decided to meet in person I was over my head excited whilst still pretty nervous. We met at a coffee shop- pretty common, also a lot of people just in case the guy turns out to be a creep and you gotta bounce. But anyways, the date went great, we chatted all night, and were excited to get together again for a second date. Throughout the course of the year we went on several dates, texted each other every day like literally every second of the hour, which I didn’t mind, it was sweet waking up to his texts. Anyways, it was about to be a year of us “dating” and I wasn’t talking to anyone else I suppose he wasn’t either, I was expecting around this time he would pop up the question to ‘label things’. One thing that I guess guys do to determine a relationship is when they introduce you to their friends or if they tell you they want you to meet someone from their family. Now, he always talked about the future, about how his parents would loooove me, and how he wants to go on trips together and such, yet this things never made a move to do and I always suggested we made plans for it, but he would always decline because of ‘work’, and I never ever even met his friends. One day of practically a year of whatever it was we were doing, I decided it was enough and simply asked-“Where do we stand?” and the SOB, decided to label our relationship as “friends who care for each other but have a sexual attraction,” so basically friends with benefits. Now I did not waste a year of my life for that crap, we were literally at the point where I even said I loved him and he said it back, yet he still didn’t want a serious relationship, I just couldn’t wrap my head around that, and I like the idiot I was believed he still had feelings for me and maybe he would come around and change his mind. I realize now how stupid I was, he was just using me, he never meant it when he told me he loved me back, and for all I know he could’ve been doing the same with 3 other girls.
This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, I’ve been on several “relationships” where the same situations has unraveled, mostly the part where there is no idea if we’re officially a couple. I was casually browsing cosmopolitans website a couple of months back and I stumble upon an article which described my exact situation, and just like that this was labeled the Situationship,- a relationship that has no label on it, it’s like a friendship, but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. I mean that sentence right there describes my dating life crystal clear. Im happy that I’m not the only going through something like that, but then again I’m not so much because it just makes me wonder if i will ever be in a serious meaningful relationship.
If any of you girls or guys have been through the same thing, let me know down in the comments how you’ve managed through it and if you are in relationship now that it is official. I will post more stories about my dating life in the future.
*Name has been changed to protect the guy’s identity.
This 2017 I’ve been all over bohemian fashion, and recently I came across “officiallyquigley” on IG. Her pictures + blog have been giving me life and she is truly a bohemian princess. Just by looking at her photographs I get great vibes from it and it truly has inspired me to embrace my bohemian flare style. Make sure you give her a follow on IG and her personal blog officiallyquigley.com if you’d like.
When it comes to living a minimalist lifestyle whilst still keeping up with fashion trends, I think the basic step is to eliminate the need to repurchase certain items in your closet. The most repurchased things in ones wardrobe are usually the basic Tees, outerwear, and trousers/blazers. Below I will list 3 of the best clothing stores that although are a bit expensive, I can guarantee your wallet will be thanking you later on. Why? because you won’t have to keep repurchasing these items like you would if the fabric became flimsy or badly torn. And when you go out shopping you can focus on the things you actually, “NEED to buy,” not the infamous,”What you WANT to buy,” and you will spare the need to, “Consume and replace” and get to, “Keep or pass on.“
I want to point out that just because an item is high-end and has an expensive known high-end Name, DOES NOT necessarily mean its fabrics were made to last, the name is what makes it expensive; the fabric could’ve been the same as a fast fashion store. This is where I know it becomes tricky, but again very worth it at the end, you want to focus on brand whose manufactures are ethical and sustainable, one that promotes zero landfill and wasted material, meaning they choose fabric made to last and fabric made to keep our planet safe and one who gives you a lifetime guarantee in any given case of a damage.
And again, given that these are expensive yet lifetime worthy clothing it actually makes us appreciate it more and handle it with much more care when washing and wearing it; which after all is what minimalism is about.
After writing my last post “2017: The Minimalist Year” I was scanning through my previous posts and asking myself if those were really the kinds of content I wanted to keep doing in my blog. You see, half of the things that I blog about, fashion wised, well half of those things I don’t ever wear or have in my wardrobe or even like to write about. I realized I was just trying to appeal to an audience and keep up with the things that are on trend. I study and research fashion the same as any fashion blogger would, but to be completely honesty my real fashion style is always the same, it might change to adapt to the seasons/ weather, but it would rarely change to keep up with today’s modern fashion. I decided I wanted to base this blog through a concrete foundation of honesty and RELATE to a type audience rather than writing a post on things that don’t define me . Ever since I wrote my previous post I realized I have so much about my life to talk about that I’m sure some people can relate to and would enjoy reading. I want to make this blog about me and have people connect with me. I’ve always been scared to put my life on the internet, but my whole point is that there’s always a message to be learned through any experience even if it happens to be a bad one and I would like to share mine. I think I have great stories to share and don’t worry these won’t bore you out, I hope. Yes, I would keep fashion and beauty blogging, but it would be more on the styles that I go for, or OOTD. Im also getting back to doing photography so I would love to share those as well…
To a year of new content and creativity.
I’ve always had this idea that simple is better, and the way it sounds it seems like it could be so much easier to accomplish. Well that’s where things went wrong for me. There’s this thing called Minimalism, is a simple way of living, where you learn how to perceive things, more especifically the materialized things.
I was first introduced to this concept in my graphic design class, see this can also apply to many different things, but in this case it was a way to showcase a simple design yet still carry a valuable meaning, it still sends the message you’re trying to portray minus all the fonts and complicated illustrations. After doing that project,- this was 4 years ago, I fell in love with the concept of it. I found out that I excelled at doing minimalist designs and that it became the content I defined most of all my art work with. But I wanted it to be more than just art, I wanted to apply it to my daily life. I started with fashion which is what I mostly expressed myself with, simple clothing items yet still keeping the pieces that truly screamed ME, like my classic rock tees and my bohemian accessories. I also started getting rid of clutter and “organizing”. I would get rid of the things I no longer needed mostly things that would pile up on my desk, clothes I’ve bought, but never worn or didn’t fit, or magazines I’ve collected over the years just sitting there as decor, but never actually been browsed through and then I would organize the things I would think to myself would be of use someday.
This all felt good and made me feel happy, temporarily, until I went and bought more things to replace the ones I’ve gotten rid of. I would go and buy more sweaters and tops that fit, shoes that were on trend, 3 pairs of the same color jeans but different styles for different types of outfits, it was getting ridiculous. My credit card statements would be $400 a month spent on clothes and beauty stuff and this was on a college student budget. I did not come to the realization of this until now, but back then I still thought I was living a minimalist lifestyle, but I wasn’t. I was trying to organize the things I thought I needed when in reality I just needed to have less stuff.
See one thing I did realize is that I’ve spent all this money to fill a gaping void, that if I did my nails every two weeks, my hair was always done, and my clothes were up to the latest trends, I could actually fit in and be happy like those other girls, guys would actually notice me, or they’d appreciate the things I would do to look good for them. But till this day, have done all those things they still didn’t matter or made me feel happy, people didn’t notice me or treat me any less than anyone else, guys never realized if I got my hair cut or it was on a different style, everything still was the same, the only thing that felt wrong was this discontent and unsatisfied hole in me that just wanted all this to actually happen, finally satisfy it, and fill it once in for all. I realized that I was living this life to satisfy others and not myself, I wanted to be accepted by others and not primarily by myself, I wanted to be like those who I thought had it all figured out and were happy and living the true “American Dream”, but never thought what could actually make ME happy, because what could make them happy wouldn’t necessarily make ME happy.
And so I decided it all needed to STOP. I needed to take some time and meditate on what I really wanted in MY life, meditate on the things that were actually bringing me happiness and those that weren’t. And for those things that were not bringing me happiness I need it to learn how to LET THEM GO! I need it to reevaluate its purpose in my life, what were their true values. I need it to rethink my future decisions, my career paths,- am I heading into this career for the money, or because I truly believe I can help make a change in someone’s life and/or possibly the world. I needed to rethink who I associated with, do they bring me happiness, lend support, or are they doing the total opposite, and if so LET THEM GO!
I saw how much more there was to this concept of minimalism when I came across this documentary on Netflix called as is : Minimalism. This documentary really opened my eyes, and it really made me realize how much more you’re doing by living as a minimalist, you’re not only getting rid of clutter, but you are meditating on the things that ARE IMPORTANT. You don’t over consume by impulse buys and advertisements, you allow yourself to be more aware of yourself and your surroundings, you find out what mostly consumes most of your day and if it does not a have a meaningful purpose to your day, get rid of it or that habit. Like having all the latest social media apps instead of having that one you actually engage with more and connect with. Minimalism makes you more aware of the things that you own and their true values, as a minimalist you only own the things that are Important and essential, not all the extra things you probably used for 2 months and it’s just now sitting inside a full drawer. This way of living makes you feel content, freer, enlightened, stress and debt free. Who doesn’t want this dream?!
I’m inviting you all to look into this and see if it’s what you’ve been looking for. I know I will rethink and meditate on everything I do from now on, before I purchase something I don’t really need, or before pursuing something that’ll make me miserable later on, before I hold on to things I don’t actually use or need, before I buy a huge home that only 20% of it would be occupied, or before I bring people into my life that only fill me in with negativity.
Life is only one, we only get one chance to live it and actually live it the right way. Nothing in this world that one can possibly buy and own will ever matter the day of our last breath. Nothing but the memories we have made and experienced is what is most important. The thought that we lived our lives the way we were meant to live it and that we made a contribution to the world, THAT would be our last thought.
“Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club