Girl Talk: My First Time pt. 2

I left off with my lunch date with Eli…

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After I questioned his age and not really pushing it even though I wasn’t sure he was being completely honest, we continued to have interesting conversations and enjoying each others company. We were having such a good time that we didn’t want to end our date just yet, so we decided to go out for a walk before we called it a day. We decided to just walk into a mall nearby the cafe, but we had to drive there as it was on the other side of the highway, and yes dumb me got inside his car with this gut feeling that he might be hiding something, and not even thinking he can potentially kidnap me right there and then. But, I made it to the mall none the less, and we had a great time, it lasted for a few minutes before the physical tensions got to us, and we started holding hands, and wanting to kiss, but he was too tall and PDA is really not my thing. We decided to head back and call it a day, but once we got in his car to return back to the cafe where my car was, we couldn’t help but to start making out. Yes, it is still somewhat PDA but no one was watching, at least I didn’t notice anyone looking. It was getting pretty heated and I had to immediately abort that plane before anything serious happened in the front seat of a car, at a mall’s parking lot. We got back to where my car was and said our goodnights, we definitely planned to meet for a second date. We had talked for a few more days before we went on our second date which was just a movie date, nothing special, but the kicker was for the third time we met. Around the time we both had basically the whole day off, I just had a morning class, and we decided to hang out at his place, and no he did not live by himself, but it was just him that day. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything serious to go down, but any girl besides me would’ve seen the obvious coming. I arrived at his house, he had made chai tea latte for me, my favorite tea, we headed up to his bedroom, he showed me a few of his book collections in Buddhism that we had previously talked about, and then we got into bed and started making out. Back then I was just thinking this is all its going to be, a make-out session, nothing more. I’ve never been in a situation like that before where I was making out in a bed with a guy, so I had no clue the way my body would just feel and surrender to every single touch. Next thing I know our clothes were off, we continue to make out with again me thinking that’s how far it was going to get, but NOPE his hands started slowly tracing up my inner thigh and that’s where I was like ‘Okay things are getting serious’. I stopped him immediately and told him ‘I wasn’t ready that I was a still a virgin’, he was a total gentleman and understood me, but a few minutes after still making out, I gave in. I knew it was definitely way too soon, with a guy I barely knew, but the moment felt right, my body felt right, and was craving it, I mean I waited that long. I never really started discovering my body by masturbating until that same year, a few days before my 18th birthday. So you can understand why I wanted to just do it. Protection was used, of course, I was being a little carefree, but not irresponsible. The sex wasn’t great, at least not for me, it hurt like hell, and I never had an orgasm. I’m sure many women’s first time or men’s first time wasn’t that great either, but at the time I was just questioning the whole thing, just because I didn’t enjoy it. I left his house right after, just lying my butt off when he asked me if I had a “Good time”. On my way home, I was just thinking if that’s what sex was going to be like the whole time, and questioning my decision that maybe if it was with the right guy or if I had waited for the perfect time that the experience would’ve been better, but as we all know now that isn’t really true.

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Fast forward a few months, the sex did get better, in terms that it wasn’t as painful and terrible as the first time, but he never did really get me to orgasm. I went through a lot of first with Eli, our first fight, first time getting in trouble with my parents to be with him, first time trying new things, my first pregnancy scare, my first love, and my first heartbreak. We talked for about a year and we never established if our relationship was official or not, and if you have read my first Girl Talk post, you’ll know that whenever I bring this up to the person we immediately stop talking. With him it was quite different, we would stop talking, but then reconcile a few weeks later. Because he was my first and I had really strong feelings for him, I still decided to give him another chance, far too many honestly. I thought that maybe he would change his mind, that I just need to give it time. That was never the case for us. But a few months before we had called it off completely, the truth had started to come out.

We were out on a date, and we were just talking about a friend of mine who was dating a guy much older than her, and he just blurted out that he is probably older than the guy. Now I always had my suspicions about his age from day one, and I never let it go, but at that point, I really didn’t care what his age was anymore. WELL… I tell him, “The guy is 28 and she’s 19 and you’re supposedly 26 now, so you’re not older than him,” and I just give him this stare like “You’re 26 right?” and he just tells me he’s actually THIRTY-FREAKING-TWO! And I know I said I didn’t really care what his age was, but My God, I was not expecting that number, the highest I was expecting was 28 or 29. I was honestly so in disbelief that I asked to see his driver’s license just to check if he wasn’t  punkin me or something. The guy was in fact 32 years-old and not only that, his name wasn’t actually Eli,that was his middle name. Everything from that moment just started making sense, as to why he didn’t want to be official with me. I didn’t make a scene at the restaurant we were eating, but my face said it all. I was the one who drove that day and I was honestly thinking off driving off and leaving him there. I didn’t leave him there though, I just wanted answers as to why he would lie about his age and if that was the reason he didn’t want us to be official. He reassured me though that he only lied becuase he was insecure and didn’t want his age to be a factor on whether or not I wanted to talk to him, and then he promised me he only needed time to determine what we had, that it was nothing about the age difference. I believed him, I fell for it like a stupid idiot to then further on, have my heart broken. He told me that he didn’t want to continue talking to me because “He felt he needed things that I couldn’t give him and that he soon realized that the age difference was an issue.” I was completely in shock that after being told that he really wanted to be with me and after I forgave him for lying to me about his age and still wanting to be with him after the fact, he then decides to have his on realization without taking in consideration how in deep my feelings for him were already.

From that day on, I believe I was cursed to have the worst relationships ever with men. I tried learning from the mistakes I made with this one experience and tried by not repeating it in other occasions, but whatever I do, I still end up in the same mess, broken-hearted by a guy that I’ve talked to for months, cared for, and in the end wasn’t even my boyfriend. But things happen for a reason and no one said it would be easy, so I’m just patiently waiting for the “One.” But the fact that I’ve already experienced this more than twice, tells me that it is going to be a long road before I get there.

– I’ve got more dating stories to write about, so definitely like and let me know in the comments if you’ve ever been in a situation similar to mine or comment on the fact that this 32-year-old man still lived with his parents, that always makes me feel better about the whole situation… –

*Names have been changed to protect the person’s identity.

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Girl Talk: My First Time

 

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As I am sipping my first glass of wine of the day, I thought to myself why not write about my first time. In my last Girl Talk, I talked about how I use online dating, well that wasn’t my first time doing so, to be honest, all of the men I’ve dated I’ve met through a dating site. I’m here though to talk about my time of firsts, my first time on a dating site, my first time going on a date, my first time having sex, and yes this all happened with the first guy I met through the online dating app, OKCupid.

Let’s go back to my First job, I had recently graduated from high school and I started working as a Hostess. First Few months I’ve gotten pretty close with most of the waitresses, with one in particular, her name was Ashley, she would always tell me about her crazy dating experiences and the different guys that she has met. Well, one day I finally asked her where the hell she meets all these guys, without making her sound like she’s some sort of Call Girl of course, and she tells me she’s met them online on a dating site called OkCupid. Now I’ve known what online dating was, I mean we’ve all seen Catfish, but I hadn’t ever actually met someone who’s been on one before, and this amazed me, it was like I was given the key to the universe or something. I didn’t immediately hop on the online dating train because I was skeptical, and scared, to be honest, but came fall, my first semester in College, and I did decide to create an account.

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My first few weeks in college I felt quite lonely, it was such a big campus, there was a lot of people, and it was really hard to get acquainted with anyone as a commuter so, I turned to OkCupid to perhaps find a new companion. What fascinated me about this site it was how detailed oriented it was, when you create an account you have to answer all these questions about yourself that you hadn’t even thought about before like, ‘what are you good at’, ‘what is something that set you apart from other people’, etc. This gave me the slight confidence that I would meet someone rather decent when reading their profile. Besides the self-summary about yourself, there are these other questions you answer that they use to ‘match you’ with someone that has answered similarly to you, like if the question asked if ‘you’re a serial killer’ and you answered ‘No’ and the other person says ‘No’ as well, then you can feel a little relieved that you won’t get killed on your first date. But I digress, given all these qualities about the app that ensure you’re talking to someone that meets your interest is what attracted me more towards trying out online dating. Again this is all just a facade, you can’t ever truly tell how a person is till you’ve had a physical interaction with them. I, of course, being the naive 18-year-old fell in deep, and just started swiping my life away to find potential matches, until one day I matched with Eli. Eli was “25” years old and you’ll get why I put his age in quotations later-on, he was a very handsome man, his picture immediately caught my attention, but his profile didn’t have much to say about him which startled me for a while. I don’t remember much how our first conversation went, but I do remember him commenting on my curly hair and comparing it to Robert Plant’s hair, for those of you who do not know, he’s the lead singer of the rock band Led Zeppelin. Now I am a big fan of classic rock music, so this was a clever and funny way to get my attention. So we hit it off right away, we had loads in common, and he had a great sense of humor, but I was still a bit skeptical which is why I didn’t let it go any further. I actually stopped using the app completely for a while whilst I was getting adjusted to the college/work life, therefore “ghosting” the guy. After a couple of weeks, once things have settled down I decided to go back to the app and a few days after Eli saw I was online and decided to reach out again. Here it was where I thought if after a few weeks of not talking he’s still interested I should at least give him a chance, and that’s when we exchanged numbers and planned for our first date, and my first date ever to be exact.

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So yes, as an 18-year-old this was going to be my very first date, with a man I met online, yeah I’m clenching my teeth too. Even though my anxiety levels were through the roof that day and my introverted-self was just trying to think of a way to get away from meeting this ‘stranger’, I pushed through it and got ready for the date. Now, we decided to meet for lunch at this nice Italian cafe, once we met the first reaction was, “Wow he’s tall” and “Thank God he looks like his pictures,” but something seemed quite off and I couldn’t put my finger on it upon the first impression. Either way, we sat for lunch, we shared meals as I had no idea what to eat, typical, and I was a total mess. I was having trouble getting my words out, I was heating up and getting all red, as I’m sure many people might’ve been on their first dates. He definitely noticed how nervous and anxious I was and told me to take some deep breaths, which was very sweet of him. As I brought my nervous levels down, I had a chance to look at him better, and I noticed how much older he looked than ’25’. I mean anyone can just look more mature than their age, I, for example, look much younger than my actual age, he for all I know could’ve been asking himself if I was even of legal age. I did ask him if he was really 25 and he didn’t hesitate and said he was, and asked me if that was an issue with me, I said no and didn’t really put too much thought into, but my gut was telling me to keep pushing it.

TO BE CONTINUED…

*Names have been changed to protect their identity.

 

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Girl Talk: My Dating Life

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I am 21 years old and have yet to be in a serious relationship or have made a relationship “official”. Let me explain, my whole life I was raised to the idea that in order to be in a relationship – to even call it a relationship, is when the guy or girl -(no gender roles) defines the relationship and they agree they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. So the point is yes I’ve gone on many of dates, yes I’ve been with the same guy, been loyal to, gone on plenty of dates, did all the “couple stuff”, yet every time I bring up the topic of  -“Where we stand?”, “What are we?”, everything seems to fall apart. Let me walk you through my most proud dating moments where I thought things where getting somewhere…

First there’s Jason, met him on a dating app called OKCupid, upon first impressions of his profile it clearly stated he was looking to settle and have a serious relationship, which i was looking for as well. We chatted, exchanged numbers, and seemed to hit it off quite well for a few days. So when we decided to meet in person I was over my head excited whilst still pretty nervous. We met at a coffee shop- pretty common, also a lot of people just in case the guy turns out to be a creep and you gotta bounce. But anyways, the date went great, we chatted all night, and were excited to get together again for a second date. Throughout the course of the year we went on several dates, texted each other every day like literally every second of the hour, which I didn’t mind, it was sweet waking up to his texts. Anyways, it was about to be a year of us “dating” and I wasn’t talking to anyone else I suppose he wasn’t either, I was expecting around this time he would pop up the question to ‘label things’. One thing that I guess guys do to determine a relationship is when they introduce you to their friends or if they tell you they want you to meet someone from their family. Now, he always talked about the future, about how his parents would loooove me, and how he wants to go on trips together and such, yet these things never made a move to do and I always suggested we made plans for it, but he would always decline because of ‘work’, and I never ever even met his friends. One day of practically a year of whatever it was we were doing, I decided it was enough and simply asked-“Where do we stand?” and the SOB, decided to label our relationship as “friends who care for each other but have a sexual attraction,” so basically friends with benefits. Now I did not waste a year of my life for that crap, we were literally at the point where I even said I loved him and he said it back, yet he still didn’t want a serious relationship, I just couldn’t wrap my head around that, and I like the idiot I was believed he still had feelings for me and maybe he would come around and change his mind. I realize now how stupid I was, he was just using me, he never meant it when he told me he loved me back, and for all I know he could’ve been doing the same with 3 other girls.

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, I’ve been on several “relationships” where the same situations has unraveled, mostly the part where there is no idea if we’re officially a couple. I was casually browsing cosmopolitans website a couple of months back and I stumble upon an article which described my exact situation, and just like that this was labeled the Situationship,- a relationship that has no label on it, it’s like a friendship, but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. I mean that sentence right there describes my dating life crystal clear. Im happy that I’m not the only going through something like that, but then again I’m not so much because it just makes me wonder if I will ever be in a serious meaningful relationship.

If any of you girls or guys have been through the same thing, let me know down in the comments how you’ve managed through it and if you are in a relationship now that is official. I will post more stories about my dating life in the future.

*Name has been changed to protect the guy’s identity.

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