I am 21 years old and have yet to be in a serious relationship or have made a relationship “official”. Let me explain, my whole life I was raised to the idea that in order to be in a relationship – to even call it a relationship, is when the guy or girl -(no gender roles) defines the relationship and they agree they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. So the point is yes I’ve gone on many of dates, yes I’ve been with the same guy, been loyal to, gone on plenty of dates, did all the “couple stuff”, yet every time I bring up the topic of -“Where we stand?”, “What are we?”, everything seems to fall apart. Let me walk you through my most proud dating moments where I thought things where getting somewhere…
First there’s Jason, met him on a dating app called OKCupid. upon first impressions of his profile it clearly stated he was looking to settle and have a serious relationship, which i was looking for as well. We chatted, exchanged numbers, and seemed to hit it off quite well for a few days. So when we decided to meet in person I was over my head excited whilst still pretty nervous. We met at a coffee shop- pretty common, also a lot of people just in case the guy turns out to be a creep and you gotta bounce. But anyways, the date went great, we chatted all night, and were excited to get together again for a second date. Throughout the course of the year we went on several dates, texted each other every day like literally every second of the hour, which I didn’t mind, it was sweet waking up to his texts. Anyways, it was about to be a year of us “dating” and I wasn’t talking to anyone else I suppose he wasn’t either, I was expecting around this time he would pop up the question to ‘label things’. One thing that I guess guys do to determine a relationship is when they introduce you to their friends or if they tell you they want you to meet someone from their family. Now, he always talked about the future, about how his parents would loooove me, and how he wants to go on trips together and such, yet this things never made a move to do and I always suggested we made plans for it, but he would always decline because of ‘work’, and I never ever even met his friends. One day of practically a year of whatever it was we were doing, I decided it was enough and simply asked-“Where do we stand?” and the SOB, decided to label our relationship as “friends who care for each other but have a sexual attraction,” so basically friends with benefits. Now I did not waste a year of my life for that crap, we were literally at the point where I even said I loved him and he said it back, yet he still didn’t want a serious relationship, I just couldn’t wrap my head around that, and I like the idiot I was believed he still had feelings for me and maybe he would come around and change his mind. I realize now how stupid I was, he was just using me, he never meant it when he told me he loved me back, and for all I know he could’ve been doing the same with 3 other girls.
This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, I’ve been on several “relationships” where the same situations has unraveled, mostly the part where there is no idea if we’re officially a couple. I was casually browsing cosmopolitans website a couple of months back and I stumble upon an article which described my exact situation, and just like that this was labeled the Situationship,- a relationship that has no label on it, it’s like a friendship, but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. I mean that sentence right there describes my dating life crystal clear. Im happy that I’m not the only going through something like that, but then again I’m not so much because it just makes me wonder if i will ever be in a serious meaningful relationship.
If any of you girls or guys have been through the same thing, let me know down in the comments how you’ve managed through it and if you are in a relationship now that is official. I will post more stories about my dating life in the future.
*Name has been changed to protect the guy’s identity.